What if Hillary Clinton was a Nigerian Presidential Candidate… Aishatu Ella John

What if Hillary Clinton was a Nigerian Presidential Candidate… Aishatu Ella John

If Hillary Clinton was a Nigerian woman and APC Presidential Candidate this is how her interview will go:

Nigerian Journalist: You have been a First Lady and Senator even the Secretary of State in all this how did your husband cope?

Hillary: I thank God for my husband he is very good and supportive, in fact as I was making his breakfast this morning he was happy (shows pictures of herself making breakfast for Bill)

Nigerian Journalist: You mean with all your campaign and busy schedule you still find time to cook for your husband

Hillary: Ah yes oh, that is my primary duty, I cook for him and wash his boxers no one can do that while I am alive. In fact if I have to travel for meetings when I was Secretary of State I will cook and send it through private jet hot and fresh. Immediately I return home I will rush to hand washing boxers.

Nigerian Journalist: Wow madam you are a real humble African Queen, how did you handle the cheating Scandal with Monica, I mean why did your husband have to cheat, were you too busy to satisfy him? And how are you sure that if you become President now you won’t be too busy and push him into the hands of other strange women!?

Hillary: Hmmmmmm, you know as a woman everything is prayer, one has to be steadfast, when my husband cheated I realised it was because my hair was too long since then I cut my hair and to the glory of God no more cheating since then, in fact even as President if my husband wants me no matter who I am meeting with I will excuse myself and go and meet him, you know the home is in the hands of we women. Men are babies.

Hillary Clinton
“You must be kidding me!”

In fact there is this movie War Room, I advise every woman whose home is being threatened by a STRANGE woman to buy and watch, don’t let STRANGE women ruin your home be prayerful

Nigerian Journalist: You have only one child and you have not given your husband a son are you not worried?

Hilary: It is well God that did it for Sarah will do it for me.

Nigerian Journalist: What is your advise to young women, you know many young women this days are saying they want to be equal to men they want to be like men, the divorce rate is so high because of that.

Hillary: Young ladies should be humble, they should stoop to conquer and talk to their husbands with small voice.

Nigerian Journalist: Finally, your daughter just had another baby how will you cope with campaign and omugwo?

Hillary: aah leave campaign first I am on my way to Omugwo, election can wait this is my duty.

Nigerian Journalist: Thank you Ma, you are very humble

Aishatu Ella John

 

 

 

 

Bibi Bakare-Yusuf on Bey’s Lemonade and bell hooks’ critique

Bibi Bakare-Yusuf on Bey’s Lemonade and bell hooks’ critique
bibi
Bibi

Just finished reading bell hooks analysis of Bey’s Lemonade and I am struggling to understand what the attack on her is all about. Even though I have been the subject of a public attack by bell hooks in my mid-20s, I always appreciate her theorising.

In relation to Lemonade, hooks has provided a necessary critique that builds on and expands the scope of the film’s narrative arc beyond just the naming of: black sisterhood of pain and trauma, our power of self-objectification and naming, our continued investment and participation in both the white scopic regime and our excavating of a repressed and liberating Africanity.

hooks’ critique is an invitation to enjoy Lemonade without completely losing ourselves in the saccharine and slick celebration of freedom and black female empowerment. It is very easy to be seduced by the self-styling, the gorgeous presentation of the black female body in pain and in exquisite defiance and camaraderie; and we must be allowed that therapeutic moment of total absorption and sheer pleasure in watching black/female ownership of the means of production, naming of pain and its transcendence.

Lemonade is mellifluous, a sensuous and mesmerizing visual feast. We should enjoy it, without apology. Yet, so that we don’t completely fall, we need to be vigilant about the global status of women who do not have the economic freedom that Bey has or the ability to always participate in the very sensuous commodified fetishsation of the black female body that assures Bey’s own economic freedom and defiance.

Yes, I do think she glamorises violence. But I also believe that there is a space

bell hooks
Bell

fortherapeutic violence. Bey’s anger and glamorisation of violence was just not excessive enough, it is too demotic and sugary. The only excess was the sugar in her lemonade which tamed the tartiness of the lemons (lesbians).

It would have been a more empowering and radical gesture had she performed an artistic death on the cheating man. Abeg, where else can we go if not to the imaginative or the thought murder of our minds to exert bone crushing revenge that would not land us in jail?

Instead, with all her performativity violence and righteous anger, she simply returned to the cosy embrace of the Cheat, an act no different from the demotic.

For me, she therefore lost an opportunity to be truly radical or transformative. At the end of the day, both patriarchy and the heterosexual script remained intact and unworked. Had Bey killed the Cheat, I am sure hooks would have been on her side because she would have read it as defiance against patriarchy and the ‘straight mind’.

I like artistic or literary deaths as an unwillingness to accept or continue with norms; it is an opportunity to really jam the convention and ensure that all subjugating powers always sleep with one eye wide open. With Lemonade, the power structure is unprovoked and remained unshaken. This, is at the core of bell hooks’ critique, I believe. This is one of the reasons why I think a mother killing her own child in Morrison’s ‘Beloved’, is such a stunning and painful moment in literature, but a revolutionary act, that threatened the core of white plantocracy.

bey
Bey

Bey should have gone all the way jor. And not doing so made the whole thing ultimately unsatisfying for me.

Personally, I believe Bey’s presentation of her autobiographical moment and bell hooks critique of it should be consumed side by side; they are both a reminder that there is still much work to be done in dismantling patriarchal domination and destructive hetero-normativity which Lemonade rightly names and then reconstituted in the family romance at the end.

We need both Beyonce and bell hook’s brand of feminism to continually interact and intersect, this is the only way each can refine and strengthen their position. I am grateful that they both exist.

 

17 Nigerian Women Slaying

17 Nigerian Women Slaying

 

There seems to be this image of a typical Nigerian woman as being a money-grubbing, marriage mad, religious freak. As most stereotypes go… it’s basically untrue, and today we present to you Nigerian Women who are slaying in the Arts, Humanities, Sciences, women who do not fit into that mold of a typical Nigerian woman. We present our WCWs…

th
Dr. Bibi Bakare-Yusuf – Publisher/Feminist
1
Funmi Iyanda – Activist/On-Air Personality
Nnedi
Nnedi Okorafor – Lecturer/Writer
Unoma
Unoma Azuah – Lecturer/Human Rights Activist/Writer
Susan
Susan Obehioye – Make-up Artist
pamela
Pamela Adie – Human Rights Activist
Nkiru
Nkiru Njoku – Movie Producer/Feminist
weird
Weird MC – Musician
chimamanda
Chimamanda Adichie – Writer/Feminist
Adunni
Abimbola Adelakun – Writer/Journalist/Feminist
Akudo
Akudo Oguaghamba – Human Rights Activist
Asa
Asa – Musician
Chinelo
Chinelo Onwualu – Writer/Feminist
ayo
Ayodele Morocco-Clarke – Lawyer
Bisi Fayemi
Bisi Fayemi – Writer/Feminist
download
Lola Shoneyin – Writer/Convener Ake Festival
miss-saharra1
Miss Sahara – First openly transgender Nigerian, Male to Female