Having a marginalised identity does not automatically amount to expertise on any or all marginalisations.
I learned this the hard way.
Equality will always feel like oppression to the privileged.
At moments like this I’m reminded it’s crucial to listen more and speak less. The worst thing about being loud and wrong is the loudness.
In a way, the knee-jerk reaction of cis-women to vehemently deny trans-womanhood as womanhood, reminds me of the reactions that survivors of (violent) penetrative rape had to my assertion last year that any absence of consent in sexual activity is in fact rape.
It’s this idea that validating experiences not our own (or not those that are historically mainstream) ‘diminishes’ the value of a thing.
An idea which is of course, patently false.
Drawing borders around the validity of experiences doesn’t actually make the experiences of those outside the borders go away. It just makes it okay to gaslight the fuck out of them.
But people KNOW what they’ve been through & who they are. Gatekeepers force madness on folks by insisting that things they know to be true are lies, then turn around & call them mad.
You’re already inside the circle. Nobody is pushing you out. We’re just saying that you drew the line at the wrong point & it needs to move.
Now comes the real question: Whether you want to stand inside a circle where you have to be next to people you don’t see as fully human.
That’s what drives pushback against inclusion really: people who have something thinking people who are less human than them will get it too.
Transphobic cis women act as if the category ‘woman’ is so valuable that ‘men’ will want to steal it from them. How laughable is that??
Men KNOW how trash it is to be a woman in this world. That’s why they’re always on about not wanting/being afraid for their daughters followers.
Even cis-women don’t want to be ‘women’ as it is constructed within the gender binary. That’s why feminism exists in the first place.
So why would anyone with any kind of real ‘male privilege’ want to give that up…to ‘become’ a woman?
Nigerians will defend gender essentialist transphobia as if we don’t culturallly call men ‘woman wrapper’ or ‘woman’ as an insult.
If we really care about people, we need to stop defending borders that attempt to invalidate their lives (and eventually, simply kill them).