…A woman is guilty of everything

Let me tell you one small something that happened yesterday morning.

As I alighted from the bus that conveyed me to my work place, a young man was making cat calls. Me, I almost never respond to anyone making psst sounds at me. If you can’t politely call out ‘hello’ or ‘excuse me, please’, then forget the message. But this one was persistent and as though he read my thoughts, he switched to ‘Excuse me!’ So I grinned to myself and turned back to him. He moved closer and pointed at my chest, muttering some words.

Man. You should see the little rush of embarrassment that ran through me as I looked down at my shirt and noticed that all the buttons on my chest region flapped open! And there was no camisole! And I cannot wear full fleshed bras even to save my life! Ha. I thanked him, walked a distance and buttoned up.

But this is what I really want to say: there are many guys who notice such things like a girl stained from her period, a torn slit in a skirt, straying bra straps, panty lines, unzipped trouser, a woman’s wrapper almost falling off and many of such sights. But you know what they do? They ogle and laugh and make jests and point fingers and take pictures and put them up on Instagram and Facebook with captions like ‘bitches’ ‘hoe busted’ ‘o boy, see bobbi’ ‘if they rape this one now, she will start talking’ ‘doomed for hell, indecent bastard’ ‘look at her, no shame. Cannot buy ordinary pad, but can afford that ugly makeup. Winsh’ and many other silly comments that will follow.

We live in a world where a woman is guilty of everything, both what she knows and what she knows not.

©Jennifer Chinenye Emelife

Fashion in a box: Metrosexuals, Heterosexuals, Homosexuals, you’re sha sexual! – Kingsley

If you are reading this I’m sure you are wondering what this could be about. I will tell you.

I am sure I have readers who love to wear what they love, without having to deal with snide remarks from some illiterate mofos, be it their beautiful designer pink shirt(I am talking to the men here) or that really skinny jeans or that very expensive designer man-bag.

Enough is enough! I just want to wear what I love, even if it is going to make me look different from the pack (which is the whole idea), without having to explain why I wear what I wear. I am wearing a pink shirt and that is supposed to make me gay!? I love to wear my meggings and carry my Prada man-bag and that should define my sexuality!? I am so SMH-ing right now. If that is the case then popular British comedian/actor Russell Brand is just as guilty as fuck for adorning his really skinny ‘skinnies’ and Pharell Williams and Kanye West should be gay as hell for trotting about town with their over-sized Hermes Birkin man bags.

I am so sick and tired of people tagging and labeling other people, as one thing or another just based on what they choose to wear. Can’t we enjoy our freedom enough to just go about in what we bleeding want? I choose to wear a darn, skinny jeans with a shocking pink shirt, brandishing my Michael Kors man-bag. Please my dear reader kindly tell me how it is anybody’s business Biko? I just simply want to know

Fashion has been put in a box for men and women.

We have been tagged with ridiculous names for far too long.

A man wears a full length boubou or decides to want to feel fly in his expensive pink Thomas Pink or a lady rocking her baggy pants and over-sized t-shirts on sneakers automatically this makes them a gay man or a gay woman. How pathetic!

We should stop allowing ourselves to be taught how not to wear what we feel is right for us just because we want to be accepted. What we wear does not define us neither does it define our sexuality.

I am not wearing that pink shirt or that pair of pink sneakers because I am gay. I am wearing them because I feel comfortable rocking that colour. As a man liking a fellow man doesn’t make him gay so also it is in fashion. My brandishing a Birkin man bag be it tote or hold-it-all doesn’t and shouldn’t define my sexuality.

You, my dear reader might agree with me or perhaps not but that doesn’t stop it from being the truth. I know many reading would be thinking it’s about time I took that beautiful piece of unusual clothing and hit the street throwing caution to the wind. Oh yeah, it’s about time. A man in a pink outfit is not a criminal, and yes I have been emphasizing with pink because that is a colour the society have decided that a man should not be associated with. When that colour was invented it wasn’t specifically designed for the women folk. Just like the bum shorts or the stockings or the skinny jeans were not meant for a particular gender. I for one have rocked every piece of fashion item that we Nigerians have termed feminine- from the bum shorts on the streets of Ilorin to the meggings and a tote bag on the streets of Lagos. These items don’t make anyone gay it’s who we sleep with that defines our sexuality.

Woe betide any illiterate mofo that would call me a gay man just because I choose to adorn “unmanly’ fashion pieces. Yes this is the part were my temper is rising because I have had it up to here (hand under chin). This is not only associated with gay people, even in the hetero world were a man wears his baggy pants and oversized tees garnished with ‘bling-bling’ with his hair in cornrows, he is automatically a gangster, and labeled irresponsible, a thief, a lowlife and our daughters should never be found hanging around such men. How sad! How annoying!

Our clothing, our sense of style does not define our personality or sexuality! (Oh how I want to shout this from the mountain top). A man is found in the spa treating himself to the finest luxury of life that money can buy, he wears his tailored blue Armani and pink Thomas pink sleeves and McQueen shoes with multicolored striped socks and then suddenly he is put in the homosexual box. How very Nigerian!

Ever heard of metrosexuals? I know some readers are going to say, “Oh, please metrosexuals and homosexuals are the same” I am here to burst your bubble –Ntor! (Pulling at the bottom of my eyes with tongue sticking out).

Allow me to define.

Metrosexual: A man, a heterosexual or a homosexual or a bisexual who spends a lot of attention, time and money on his looks. Example of such a man is David Beckham (Britain’s biggest metrosexual).

Homosexual: A man who shares romantic, emotional and sexual feeling with another. A homosexual cannot be defined by what he wears. He can even be someone who does not give a hoot about his looks.

Spot the difference? I am sure you do. With these clarifications, I hope by everything that is holy, you wouldn’t go about judging a man because he is in a pink shirt or a pair of skinny denim or a woman because she is wearing her baggy pants and oversized tee-shirt. Now with a lot off my chest I can go about freely rocking my ‘unmanly’ fashion pieces enjoying the unholy stares and side remarks. I hope you now have the bravado to do same.

Let us go ahead and break that box now and forever move and feel free to live as humans. Long live skinnies! Long live man bags! Long live the pinkies! (wide grin).

Deep sigh! Free at last.